in the clip and in the flowchart above you can see that your response to a stimulus can be different depending on our belief about that stimulus. This is great to realize, because it shows where the area of control of our feelings lies. It lies NOT with the stimulus, as so may of (including me) us might think. The stimulus is neutral. It's our beliefs that gives it meaning.

Beliefs can be changed, adopted, discarded and can be be freely chosen.

For example: You are attending a wedding. You are crying and feeling happy for your friend who is getting married. I might attend that same wedding, but i'm cranky and not socializing and not having a good time.

Same stimulus, different response! How? Because we have different beliefs. You can hold a belief that your friend is entering a beautiful new phase in their life with their other-half. I can hold the belief that my friend will have much less time to go out with me and silently i am grieving this as a loss.

The Option Process® Dialogue is a logical way of exploring and uncovering beliefs fueling our (mostly) unhappiness. When we know the stimulus and are aware of our response, we can ask questions that will lead us to the belief triggering our unhappiness. In my case I could discover that i hold the belief that i am losing a friend and when i do discover that it is my choice to maintain that belief or to maybe change that belief. I could change it into "i will gain another friend, because friends of my friend are my friends". With the latter belief I will experience joy and excitement.

This can also apply on the challenges you face with your child. I used to feel lost about my daughters development. She is slower, she doesn't talk, she will not be able to take care of herself, what will happen when i am old.

All different beliefs and thoughts about the stimulus (my daughter having autism and behaving in a different way one might expect from a child her age). When I became more aware of these beliefs, i started to change them. For example, I changed the belief "she will not be able to take care of herself" to "The future is unknown, maybe she will, maybe she will not be able to take care of herself, I will focus on being with her right here, right now.

The latter belief helps me with accepting and connecting with my daughter, instead of worrying about her future.

In the dialogue you will explore and uncover beliefs and with awareness you can start to gain control of your feelings and response.

Rooting Today Foundation

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